Dans Le Noir

Dans Le Noir is a restaurant with an incredible concept - you eat in pitch black darkness. I've known about it for years, they started in Paris, and now there are several around the world, including London. It was only recently, however, that I got round to visiting.


Shopfront

Located just off Clerkenwell Green just up from Farringdon, the place looks relatively unassuming from the outside, and I'd cycled past many times without noticing it being there. Inside, there is a smallish front-room bar, where one is greeted by staff who explain how everything works.

First up, you are requested to dump any bags and especially anything that potentially gives off light - phones, lighters etc, into lockers. This done, one examines the menus. Except that there's no detail - the choice is either the complete surprise menu, the meat surprise menu, the fish surprise menu, or the vegetarian surprise menu. The wine list is more normal, unless one goes for the "surprise bottle" of course!

I went for the fish surprise, my partner in the dark culinary arts Cat, the complete surprise. And of course the surprise (red) wine. This all done, it was time to head in. We were introduced to our semi-blind waiter Derek. I realised he wasn't completely blind when he responded as I proffered my hand to shake as we met, he shook. The waiters are all blind or partially blind though, the logic being that they are much more competent in complete darkness, plus part of the ethic of the restaurant is to support people with this sort of disability.

To go in, one has to hold the shoulders of the person in front of you, and the group is lead in through a series of curtains into the dining room, with the waiter at the front guiding you. Cue lots of excitement as ones eyes attempt to adjust. This, of course, is impossible, it is completely pitch black. Doesn't stop you trying though.


The dining room

Your waiter helps you to sit, which is a rather clumsy affair, then explains that in front of you on the table is a napkin with a knife and fork, and two glasses, large and small, for water and wine respectively. Regular knife and fork?! I assumed there would be simple spoon-like implements, but no!


The table

Anyway shortly after, we were brought a carafe of water and our bottle of wine. I went to pour the wine. First, locate glass. Right, then hold up glass, fumble with wine bottle, then slowly pour, listening intently for the liquid to start flowing. By the time the bottle was horizontal, I knew something was up. Of course, the bottle was a screw-cap and the cap was still on. Doh!

Then of course, you have the problem of deciding how much to pour in. The tip is to place a finger just inside the rim as you pour, but it's still bloomin' difficult. Wine and water poured, we waited for food. Whilst waiting, we tried to lay out our table. Surely they wouldn't seat anyone else immediately adjacent to us (we could feel their glasses and napkins). Wrong! As we started, a Russian couple living in London were seated immediately next to us. I apologised for having stolen one of their glasses as I'd misplaced mine!


Our neighbours

In pitch black people seem to over-compensate by talking louder, and this was certainly the case this evening. There was a loud group to my left, and a group the other side who burst into a rendition of happy birthday at one point. I can only assume the room has wooden floors and bare walls as the sound really seem to bounce about, and the whole place was intimidatingly noisy later on. Maybe not being able to see makes you more aurally sensitive?

So the food arrived, and a plate is stuck in front of you. Knife and fork up, then an embarrassing prodding game around the plate to scope the task ahead! I hadn't washed my hands before coming in, which was a big mistake, you need hands involved just to find the food, never mind eat it! Time after time I would raise my fork only to find that whatever I'd pushed on to it had returned to plate without me realising, and at one point my napkin was covered in a creamy sauce, thankfully not ending up on my clothes!


The food.

The food was good, but too salty in my opinion. Either Cat is a fast eater, or she seemed to have much less food than me, or perhaps, like with my main course, she missed a whole section on her plate - I found a pile of mussels late on that I'd completely missed early on!

By the end of the meal, frankly, I'd had enough of being in there, although Cat seemed to be enjoying it! We chatted to the Russian couple adjacent, they were here on a 5 year anniversary dinner, awwww! Outside we met face to face, as we squinted, adjusting to the glorious but dim (for the sake of those coming out!) light.

They show you the menu, and I discovered that I hadn't been too far off with my guesses, although apparently one of Cat's dishes that she had guessed was some sort of seafood was apparently kangaroo!! How did that happen?! I was amused to learn that the bottle of wine that I thought was a Malbec and Cat a Shiraz was of course... a Malbec-Shiraz! Half marks to each of you!

Tips all go to the blind waiters, and overall I like the ethic of the place. It would be fascinating to see the actual dining room though, just to understand the dimensions of the place. I guess I'll never know! Anyway, it's a very random and fun experience that I'd thoroughly recommend people visiting if they want something different. Will I go back? Err, probably not!

Too Many Husbands

London Film Festival 2009
Too Many Husbands and Like You Know It All - very different films with a common theme - the men don't come off well in them!

Too Many Husbands


Too Many Husbands is a 1940 comedy film about a woman who loses her husband in a boating accident and remarries, only to have her first spouse reappear. The film starred Jean Arthur, Fred MacMurray and Melvyn Douglas.



It is apparently based on the 1918 play by Somerset Maugham : Home and Beauty. In the play apparently neither husband wanted the wife and each kept trying to out-noble the other and step aside, but in this film they vie for her affections, a joke which becomes slightly repetitive by the end, but is kept alive by the comic scenarios and witty dialogue.

The print is a recently restored copy by Grover Crisp from Columbia Pictures.

Like You Know It All
Hong Sang Soo's 2009 film focusses on a small-time director, Ku Kyung-Nam, and his approach to life and love now he's nearing 40.



Director Ku has been invited to serve as a judge for a small film festival. Whilst there he experiences some acidic comments from Ms Gong, the festival programmer, who seems to have some sort of emotional history with him. He also has a run in with an old friend who used to be more wild than Ku, but is now happily settled and married. Lots of drinking means he gets into trouble overnight and sleeps through all the films during the day.

Two weeks later he is in the southern island of Jeju to give a lecture when he bumps into an old teacher from his student days, who is now a famous painter, and turns out to be married to a woman Ku himself once dated and lost.

The situations are parallel in some ways, including the imagery, but ending in very different ways, and with different emotions. The film often made me laugh, but overall leaves one feeling melancholy and frustrated with Ku's self-imposed position, along with the pain of suffering the many embarrassing scenarious the film throws up. I wonder what Koreans made of it all.

Ryanair's Illegal Fees

Whilst we wait for the German courts to enforce their ruling that Ryanair's payment terms are illegal, there is a way to get round at least one of the fees:

The 5 pounds per person per sector payment fee.

Specifically, you need to pay with an Electron card. Does anyone issue these any more? No, which is why Ryanair have chosen it as the one card for which they do not add a fee. They can then claim that they offer a payment method that doesn't involve the extra cost, and so they don't need to include this cost in the up-front price for the flight. Sneaky, huh?

The answer to this, then, is to apply for a Post Office TMC - Travel Money Card. It's designed for those who don't have credit cards to take abroad, but basically acts an Electron card, and can be loaded up (for three quid a pop) with cash that you can then use with Ryanair. Simple!

London Film Festival 2009

I Fought the Law
I Fought the Law is a collection of short films chosen by Simon Young, described as "Short films with added fighting: from verbal disagreements to clashes of ideology, to full on machine-gun in face Mexican stand-offs."

I enjoy the shorts as generally they have to be powerful and to the point, and if they're not, you've only about 10-15 minutes to endure! At the beginning of the screening, Simon introduced a number of the directors, who each spoke briefly to the audience. This is the value of seeing things at the film festival, you usually get access to director and cast, which sometimes adds immeasurably to the experience.


X Returns

X Returns
The opening piece was by a new director, his first piece and first screening! Well filmed, it seemed more like a trailer for a feature film than a short in itself. Still, how can one not enjoy anything starring Holly Valence?

The Man in the Blue Gordini
A bizarre yet enjoyable French animation about a world of Orange totalitarianism and a brief flash of Blue revolutionary action (and naughty bits) by a masked rebel who drives an R8 Gordini car.


Fetch

Fetch
A slightly weak short about two American wise-guys being hired to do a job by a gangster.

Harvest
A powerful short about a burglary that goes wrong, ended up with a new life for one of the thieves as a pig farmer. Slightly bizarre yet enjoyable.


The Odds

The Odds
Directed by the beautiful Paloma Baeza, this short is simple yet clever, with a couple of twists. The story revolves around a suspicious casino floor manager confronting a very successful punter.

The Little Dragon
Thirty-five years after his death, Bruce Lee is reincarnated in the form of a toy figure in a French short. Hilarious and to the point, this animation had the audience laughing out loud.

Trunk
Two college students spend a long hard day in the desert that they'll never forget. A predictable variation on an old theme with some shocking twists.

The One Last Time
An amusing short sketch of a bank robbery where multiple gangs all with themed masks attack the same bank. Watch for Lion Witch and Wardrobe coming up against Marvel and Starwars!


Overall - a good start to the festival. More tomorrow!